i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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