best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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