i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
