I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
