If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
