the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
