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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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