His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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