I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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