The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
