I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
