I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
