I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
