Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love accidental penises.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
