i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
