Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
