Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
