I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
