my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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