im six kinds of drunk right now
my shit smells like andre
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
