Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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