you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
