:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
