i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
