she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
