i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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