time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
