Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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