He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
