I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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