Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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