Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
