watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
