I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
