Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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