I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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