no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
