And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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