I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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