I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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