hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
