do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
