i think i have two assholes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
