I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
