i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
