I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
