Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
