I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
