She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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