I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
