Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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