My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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