she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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