your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
