I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
