If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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