One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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