it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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