We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
