I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
