Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
