is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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