guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
