he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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