He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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